Sunday, May 2, 2010

marriage vs. weddings

I came across this story in Meg's A PRACTICAL WEDDING.
No, I don't know her... FC lang...

This from via the ever-smart Lauren, from the book Altared. Seriously. Read it all:

Weddings are not marriages, and I wish they were. Weddings are to marriage as a single bamboo shoot is to a jungle, as a seashell is to the ocean floor: nice enough, not unrepresentative, and almost totally irrelevant. Marriage is all about the long road, about terror and disappointment, about recovery and contentment, about passions of all kinds. Weddings are about a party– which is why I think marriage should be approached with blinking yellow lights, orange safety cones, and all other signs of great caution, and weddings should be encouraged as things apart. Why should we expect that looking pretty in white (or the flattering color of your choice) and doing a credible fox-trot has anything to do with staying calm in the face of resentful indifference, selective deafness, Oedipal disorders, or horrible stepchildren? It should be enough, it seems to me, to look as good as one can and enjoy the party. Brides who cannot enjoy their own weddings are either possessed of too much knowledge (this marriage is a mistake) or too much something else (like women who scream when the bouquet has one too many sprigs of baby’s breath). I wish that crazy, over-the-top weddings (doves dyed pink, twin elephants, wedding favors from Gucci, and Handel’s “Water Music” played by Yo-Yo Ma) led to marriages that were extravagant celebrations of love, that the excess foretold a lifetime of generosity, sensuality, and matching elephants of kindness and loyalty. I wish that simple little weddings, barefoot in a cranberry bog, with ten friends as witnesses, would lead to a life in which less is really more and stays that way. Marriage requires common sense, self-awareness, compatible senses of humor (Jackie Mason will not be happy with Oscar Wilde, although Bernie Mac might be), compatible sex drives, and enough, but not too much, perseverance. Weddings, on the other hand, offer just a day’s happiness, and require only a willingness to dance– even badly– and embrace the world and big love for a short time.

We have been reminded of this fact by a lot of our friends and family. The wedding is but a day and marriage is a lifetime. Many times indeed a lot of efforts are placed into having the perfect wedding. A bulk of money is spent with others even getting loans for it. If only that much effort have been made in the preparation for the marriage, then a lot of couples my have been saved of some tears and heartaches.
No, I am not speaking out of experience since I am not there yet. I just try to remember what has been said to us.

To add... marriage is more than compatibility. It is more than a contract. It is a covenant where God is our witness.
Our feeling of love, excitement or want for a family of our own nor a child is never enough to keep it together. A foundation on our Lord, Jesus Christ... where both the husband and wife humbly ask for help in moving closer to God and as a result have moved closer still to each other as well.

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